Down to her last $30 and with her power turned off, Melissa started her entrepreneurial journey out of necessity. She later shifted into eCommerce and is proud & honored to manage the nonprofit, member-owned Empowery eCommerce Cooperative to help other entrepreneurs. General Manager of Empowery and on the Board of Directors, host of the first ever event in eCommerce with an all women speaker lineup (the Empowery Women’s Conference), and host of the eCommerce Connection show, Melissa has spoken at many events, including a Catalyst88 Mastermind event in London, the Empowery Women’s Conference, the White Label Expo, Survive & Thrive Digital Conference, Branded By Women Conference, and has also been featured on Serious Sellers Podcast, Shopkeeper Podcast, Seller Sessions, Women on Amazon, eCom Whiz, Private Label Legion, Awesomers Podcast and more.
Melissa 0:00
But I’ve always just referred to you as one of my favorite humans, because I really wish I had a tiny version of you to just like keep in my pocket.
Norman 0:11
Everyone, welcome to another episode of I Know this Guy…, the podcast where we dive deep into the lives of some of the most interesting people I know. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to I know this guy, wherever you get your podcasts. By the way, my kids want me to say something about ringing a bell. What the hell’s a bell?
Norman 0:36
Everyone and welcome to I Know this Guy… And in this case, I Know this Gal…, and she is incredible. She’s an entrepreneur, and she also heads up Empowery, it’s a coop for Amazon sellers. So I can’t wait to get down and start talking with Melissa Simonson.
Melissa
I’m excited.
Norman
This is where we could bring in the quote.
Melissa 0:59
Having a sort of one quote, I think that having, sort of my, the value that I live by is, “To leave people better than I find them” and and so many of the quotes that I admired and like to post and stuff like that are related to that Zig Ziglar quote, “You can have everything in life you want if you help enough other people get what they want.” And so , there’s a lot of quotes I like and I repost and stuff like that, but most of them have to do with leading people that you find them because stuff comes and goes. , but the people in your life that have meaning so…
Norman 1:34
We talked just before this call, and it was kind of funny because you related this to the old boy scout , the go to leave a campsite better. Yeah. Then, “Leave a campsite better than when you found it.” Yeah, and it kind of hit home because you were talking, “Why can’t humans do that?”
Melissa 1:57
Yes. Yeah. I mean, I remember I was, I don’t know, 13 or 14, my brothers were in Boy Scouts and our church group we had, young women’s and stuff like that. And, and so that was something that they taught, leave the campsite better than you found it. And even if that’s not your garbage, you still clean it up and just leave it better than when you got there. And, it struck me as a strange thing to do for inanimate objects and locations that you may never see again, if you’re not willing to do the same thing for the people in your life. And so I think, it’s more important to do that with people and it can mean different things to different people and at different times. Certainly, it’s a situational thing to live by. And so you just kind of have to adapt that. But if it’s your core value, then , it’s very, it’s very much something that you can, circle back to that and, and that’s how you approach the situation.
Hayden 2:53
And I think, no matter who you are, if you kind of like go into each day with that mindset, it kind of will change the way you even like walk, right, like if you’re thinking about, yeah, bringing positive energy to a room so you’re trying to meet a bunch of people, you can either kind of cower, have a bunch of other stuff going on in your head, or you can walk in and be like, I’m gonna bring something to this, I’m gonna, try and uplift something or contribute to the people around me, go to the grocery store…like change people’s lives
Melissa 3:20
And of course, it’s obviously applicable when you’re, talking to somebody and they’re having a rough time and you just make yourself available to them and, just be a friend and stuff like that, but it also means, including people, I don’t really, I don’t judge this but I don’t really like the attitude where you elevate yourself above other people with your clothes or your brands and , stuff like that just because it’s intentionally excluding people. And the thing that I, of course, do not judge about that is that sometimes you work a long time. To be able to get to that position that you have been striving for your life. And that is, it’s something to be commended and you should take the win. But I don’t like celebrating the win in that way just because it means excluding people. And I think that, just with that as my core principle, that it just doesn’t follow that, that you want to be exclusive. That you, you want to intentionally exclude people from, from the activities or, or anything like that.
Norman 4:28
I’ve seen it where you’ve talked to people, and you just give them or provide them at the end of the day just to feel good. You actually listen, you hear what they’re saying. And people just feel good after they talk to you. I mean, you’ve got that magic about you.
Melissa 4:46
Oh my gosh, that’s so great to hear. Because honestly, like, it is something that I tried to do but I don’t know if it’s always effective. And , I have bad days and stuff like that. And so I’m yeah, I don’t know if I really truly love people, but I found them but you were in the women’s conference and that was one of the main points, I wanted that to be a little bit different than most events. And so I started off with the very first word spoken at that event. As , let’s not waste time trying to impress each other, let’s not try and, and make sure that we’re showing that we belong here, just assume that everyone here is pretty awesome. And then take the time to listen to their story and find out why. And I think that when you approach things that way, the world is so much more interesting, it’s not just doing a favor to the world, it’s doing a favor to yourself. And I would say also, related to this same core belief is when you are down or you feel like things are not going well or you’re failing or anything like that, that just , kind of is a hindrance to moving on or doing well. Helping someone is really the only way that I’ve found that reliably can get you past that feeling. , if you help somebody else you find value in yourself. You feel accomplished, and just seeing how much they appreciate you is something that, it’s valuable to yourself as well.
Norman 6:09
Yeah, by doing that, it’s all my mother used to say. Like, if you’re depressed, you make your bed. Just make your bed every day. Right? Well, just doing what you just said is like another way of making your bed.
Melissa 6:24
Yeah, it really is. And it’s just applicable to people as they try to make most things and it’s funny because I am. Some people will be like, but you’re not like that much of a people person because I am an introvert. But , when I am with people that I can turn on the extrovert in me and I just need a little bit of cooling down period. It’s like a recharge time afterwards. But I think that it’s definitely something that I’ve noticed when, I’ve been struggling or feeling like, I don’t know what I’m doing or I don’t know that I’m doing this right? , anytime that you have any self doubt or anything like that. I had one time where one of my brothers came to me and he needed some help or, to bounce some ideas off of me and he apologized at first he was like, I know you’re not, you’re not at your best right now, this might not be what you need, you might need, you might need me to do this for you instead of that, but I actually was like, this is good. This is great. Helping you like listening to your stuff makes me feel powerful. Again, it makes me feel like I have the ability to change things. It makes me feel like I have an impact on humans. And that is really the only thing that I was put on in here for I think.
Norman 7:43
And you do good at it. As a matter of fact, I could never imagine you as an introvert. I’ve only seen you at your extrovert moments.
Melissa 7:52
That’s only because you get events and stuff like that.
Melissa 7:57
It’s definitely true that like, if I’m ever late to a dinner or something after a long, like day full of event stuff is because I needed just that five extra minutes to just recharge before diving back into the social exchanges.
Hayden 8:11
Do you have any tips for the introverts out there on recharging? I consider myself to be Yeah, kind of on that line a bit. Yeah.
Melissa 8:18
I would say that the biggest advice I could give is to do it anyway. Those hard things, I, the first I went to one event that was sort of like a holiday event, and that was kind of tough. Steve was, kind of scooted over to a table full of VIPs and it was just me and him. And this is my first event. That was not like an Empowery your catalyst event. And, and so he was like, herded away. And I was like, he goes, I guess I gotta sit over here. And so you need to go find a seat and I was like, by myself? It’s just like, fine, but I was fine. But I wouldn’t have chosen to do that. And so again, do it anyway, it makes it so that you have to rise. And so I got to know all the people at my table and many of them I’m still in contact with. And then the next one was traffic and conversion. And again, like, this is one of the really big events where there’s thousands of people and I just felt like those are particularly tough for me because you feel lost in the shuffle. And as an introvert, it’s hard to recharge, because in the meetings, then there’s a ton of people. After the meetings, there’s too many people walking in to close approximately. But again, I did it anyway. And some of the people that I met there again, I’m still in contact with one of them was the winner of the free VIP ticket to the Seattle summit in 2019. And so every event that I go to, it’s a win. And so I think that , as an introvert, that’s the hard thing is to do it anyway. Recharging, I think that we’re best at already. Like, I think that we, we know how to do that, your hotel and you don’t look at your phone for at least an hour and you might even just lay on your bed like, Oh, that’s it. That’s all.
Norman 10:15
When I did my first onstage talk, which wasn’t that long ago, that was my biggest fear, speaking in public and the first time was 1500 people and I was, I was dead. But , getting on stage and being able to talk. What I found afterwards is I couldn’t believe how exhausted I was. I went back up to my room, and I just like, it was just, it was done. Yeah. Oh my gosh, if you don’t struggle with, either getting on stage or like you’re talking about having that having to exude your personality. If you’re really an introvert and you’re an extrovert. It’s exhausting.
Melissa 11:01
It is. Yeah. And I actually was just talking about this on Megalis (?) podcast. We were talking about introverts versus extroverts. And a lot of people think that the introverts are shy. And that’s what differentiates them. But introverts are not inherently shy, you might love to be around people you might love, to, just like I was saying, I, I feel like the biggest point of this life is to have an impact on the people around you, and to expand that as as vast and as wide as you can to have the greatest impact on the most people that you can to improve their lives. But, again, as an introvert, this presumption that you’re shy, it makes people think that you must not be an introvert, because in events and in these situations, then you are clearly extroverted and stuff like that. But the difference really is that an extrovert feeds off of that energy and those exchanges and an introvert needs to recharge after they need to gain energy after that exchange.
Norman 12:05
Empowery. So we see it behind you. Is that the Empowery mascot in front of you?
Melissa 12:11
Yes, I would say yes. But Steve would probably roll his eyes and say that I was that. He’s my mascot anyway. And he’s with me every day. So I feel like Yeah.
Norman 12:22
Ah, and his name is Gus. Is that correct? Yes. This is. Yes. Yes. I’ve heard all about Gus.
Norman 12:29
So, yeah, tell us a bit about Empowery. I mean, I know a little bit about it. But can you get into it a bit more?
Melissa 12:34
Sure. Yeah, Empowery. Empoweryis a nonprofit member owned cooperative, and it was founded to help ecommerce entrepreneurs succeed in business and in life. They sort of started kicking around the idea for Empowery at a Mastermind group where they thought, let’s take this idea of a mastermind where you come together, you have this inherent trust with the people around you. You can share ideas and not worry that people are going to steal the ideas. You can gain answers and knowledge and stuff from each other, as well as the s and the mentors who are present. And then you can go to the mentors like Steve and say, Hey, I’m having this problem with my business, I’m not sure how to handle it. What would you do in this case, and then the mentor, Steve would say, I would do this, you should contact this service Who does that? And I know the guy, so drop my name, and you might get a good price for and that’s essentially what Empowery is. It’s a group of people that are all, pre vetted, essentially, we interview every member who comes in and every partner who comes in, we vet all of the service providers, and we pre negotiate on the behalf of all of our members, so that you already have a good deal and you’re earning cashback and you get additional perks. And that’s essentially , I got a guy for that. And and then we put you in the direction so that you don’t have to struggle because all the many service providers who are popping up left and right in the space, and you don’t know who is a scammer, who is going to actually perform the service that they’re claiming to be able to perform, and who is sort of beta testing you with your advertising dollars, and, stuff like that. It’s just a scary world out there. And you always have to put your money behind your choices. And that can be very difficult. So it’s nice to have sort of a lighthouse in the rough seas of entrepreneurship, to look to to say, I’ve got this problem, I have this question, what should I do next? How do I grow and scale past this point, and that kind of stuff. So that’s what we help with
Norman 14:37
I’m an Amazon seller, and it’s scary navigating Amazon every day. It’s changing. Yeah, I had my Canadian account suspended the other day, or something absolutely stupid. Anyway, if you don’t have a company or a coop like this, you’re a single very small person and you don’t know where to navigate, you’ll probably do more harm than good. Yeah. And when I heard about Empowery and what you guys were doing, and it blew me away, a coop one, like somebody that has one word for 100 or 1000 or 10,000, Amazon sellers finally. And one thing I should point out to, you keep referring to Steve. Steve Simonson as your brother. He’s a very successful entrepreneur, a very successful amazon seller and hit. It was Steve, and a couple of partners that got together and put this Empowery, put it all together. Is that correct?
Norman 15:40
Yeah. So Steve Simonson and Evan Hackel are the co-founders of Empowery and so they were kicking around this idea, but Steve didn’t . He doesn’t have time to do what is more than a full time job of getting Empowery off the ground and, and all that stuff. And so he contacted me, I actually worked for Steve when I was like 15 and I would go to work at his office in Seattle in the summers while I was teenager. And then I continued to work for him when I was like 18 and 19. So my first experience with e-commerce was with Steve and his first , the first on flip online flooring store, which is iFloor.com (?). And back then you had to have a whole team of programmers to do online stuff, you couldn’t just throw up a Shopify store real quick and beyond with it, you I mean, it was 10s of thousands in at least and a whole team of programmers and I didn’t do like the programming but I still had to know some HTML to like, learn HTML so that I could change the listings. And , do that little I to make things metallics and stuff so yeah, but Steve Simonson and Evan Hackel they’re the co-founders of Empowery and Steve contact me shortly after they kicked around the idea to see if I would be willing to run it and I was all in It’s such a beautiful thing to add to the world.
Norman 17:03
Yeah, and when you say you’re rolling, I mean, you’re working 25 hours a day, right?
Melissa 17:08
Oh, yes.
Melissa 17:10
I was actually recording a podcast last night at like, 11pm. And she was like, so do you often work this late? And I was like, I don’t even know, I should be honest. But others. I feel like it’s so bad. But no, I really am passionate about what we’re doing and Empowery and and I feel like , it’s, it’s adding to the world. Anytime that entrepreneurs are successful, they are adding to the world. And if we can collectively gather up the entrepreneurs who are struggling and make it more likely for them to be successful, that is better for the world. And , having, small business owners do not have it. Good. , we have like the sales tax issue that was happening, where one person could be getting bullied by a state. That is terrifying. , you have the state government or something saying you have to pay all of this money, because you’re selling on Amazon, until that got resolved. And they actually found that the marketplace was responsible. That was terrifying for many, many sellers, and it’s still an issue now. But, at that time, there really wasn’t a way to gather everyone up and have one voice. And if we don’t do that, if we don’t continue to grow Empowery and have a louder and louder voice with the more people that have Empowery, the voice of the individual seller, the small businesses will be lost. And , that that’s inclusive for governments, that’s we’re dealing with Amazon, imagine a world and , maybe 10 years where we can contact Amazon on your behalf and say, This is not okay, because we have so many of the third party sellers and so many of the private label guys who are being represented, right now, there’s a few People who have that kind of poll with Amazon and with, certain companies and stuff like that. But if we have a few of those who already have poll plus all of the entrepreneurs who are selling on Amazon, they, they have to listen and then we actually have a voice and instead of you just calling and nobody answering or , doing your best to reach out to Amazon and they just don’t care, they must care because if all of the third party sellers left Amazon, they would be in dire straits. , they get a lot of their business from 3rd party sellers. So it’s important that we band together, and make them listen.
Norman 19:39
What makes Melissa Melissa? You talked about your campfire and keeping it better than when you found it, humans, and how did you get there? Can you give us a bit of your backstory?
Melissa 19:53
I was a little bit shy when I was younger, I was actually quite shy and that I was able to move past that it’s actually funny. I think that it gives me kind of a unique look at things because I found myself, I was, I grew up, I got married. And there was a situation where we had this apartment complex and there is a pool and a hot tub and stuff like that. And so we would go down to the hot tub and hang out, and other people would come into the hot tub. And they would say, Hello, or how are you doing? And I would just assume they’re probably not talking to me and what do I know anyway? And why should I say anything? And I would not respond. Like that is so crazy to think about now. Like I wouldn’t respond and it was just because I was that I was sure that they must not be talking to me. And it’s so rude like now thinking about what I’m like, I just totally ignore that, That’s so rude. But it wasn’t out of rudeness or spite or thinking is better than other people. So when I see people who are kind of doing those kinds of behaviors I feel like, there’s a chance that it might be because of that. And so I am exceptionally inclusive of those people in those cases. Because for me, if I misjudge, and they actually are trying to elevate themselves and think that they’re better, whatever, that does not matter, that’s fine with me. It’s I have no loss, they’re extending kindness. Even if it’s not welcome, it doesn’t harm me, and it doesn’t harm them. But if I don’t do that, then there’s a chance that would have been something they desperately needed to engage in that conversation and maybe have some personal growth.
In school. There’s a lot of things that impacted me. When I was growing up, I again because I was shy, I didn’t really have super close friends. I didn’t. And for a long time, I thought there must be something wrong with me or , it was actually a point of shame for me for a long time, but I realized, I’m fairly independent and I don’t rely on those really close friendships. Part of that is because I had such a large family and my best friends were built in. And part of that was because I had many, many friends and people that I would talk to and stuff, but no one that I would really go to if everything was terrible or something like that. And I think that’s just because I truly feel like even if everything is truly terrible, I’ll probably be the one that gets me out of that situation. So I really didn’t go to other people for that. My mom is a big part of that. She’s very impressive. She’s a very impressive woman, she would be our very poorest nine kids, but that’s a vast ocean of poor. They actually didn’t have enough money to buy groceries many times. So my mom would actually grind wheat to wake up at like 4 o’clock in the morning, she would grind wheat, she would make it into flour. She would make the flour into bread, and then we would be able to take lunch at school. And I mean, she just worked so hard. So I think , as entrepreneurs, we’re always looking for different paths, if you see an intersection, does it have to be a stop sign, maybe it could be around, . And so you’re always looking for ways around. And for me, I saw that very early on, so many people, if they’re used to having money or something like that, you get into a situation like that. And you’re like, what do we do? We just starve, and my mom was like, I could probably figure something out. And she always had a different way of doing things to make it work, because she wasn’t looking at the thing that is obvious, the next step is obvious, and then just throwing up her hands and saying, That’s not possible. She was looking at the outcome that we were looking to achieve. We needed our bellies fall, and so she found a way around what was typical, we couldn’t afford bread . So those are the kinds of things that , early on, I think that we all were exposed to different avenues for pivoting in hard situations.
Hayden 23:51
Yeah, that’s amazing. Like, yeah, I guess as a value, like carrying forward like, have you ever been in a situation where you kind of had to think the same way? like I’m kind of at this bottom now, like, I’ve got to figure this out for myself.
Melissa 24:06
Absolutely. I mean, this is not actually something I’ve talked about in any of my podcasts or, or speeches or anything like that. But I’ve had several of those, it’s much harder to talk about failures or low points. But I think it’s important because, I think that, having this persona or facade that you put on on social media that people think everything is rosy and perfect for you, or that you just always have good luck or something. It’s just not the case. , I was married for almost 13 years, and I will say, exercising this patient muscle is a positive thing for my family. However, what is sometimes your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness. For me, in all honesty, I was far too patient in my marriage, and it took a toll on me. It was a difficult thing to navigate. And at a certain point, my personal life started impacting my business. When I started my first business, I ran that successfully for about five years, it was a service based business. And then the spillover started happening. And I didn’t understand it, because again, I’m fairly independent. I figured I could handle whatever it was, and so I couldn’t figure out why. I was not handling things well. And because I knew I could, I knew that I was capable of doing hard things. And I just needed to maybe try harder or do better. And so I just kept pushing. And I mean, there are some crazy situations. There was one time I was doing a job. And I was doing, like a marketing push. And so I was taking before and after pictures of these planes and stuff. So in this one clean that I was doing, and by the way, as you may have guessed, my first business was a service based cleaning business for residential and commercial companies and homes.I was in this home it was a move out clean I turned off the ceiling fans hopped up onto the countertops in the kitchen. And I was doing like the very top of the upper cabinets. And so I’d taken before pictures, I did all the hard work and I was sweating. I was hot. So I jumped down, turned on the ceiling fans, and I kept going and I had an employee with me at the time who was helping out there, often in another room. And then I realized oh, I didn’t take the after pictures. This is an embarrassing story. So you better thank me later. So anyway, I hopped back up there to take the after pictures and I absolutely got whacked by this ceiling fan and it cut my head open. I have a scar still, several stitches from this. And I am bleeding down my neck. It’s all over my shirt. My employee comes in, we have to go to urgent care because it was like 11pm or midnight. And so we went to urgent care and they It was so annoying. Like they were so excited about this because they don’t usually see cuts that deep taking pictures, and they’re like, I’m sorry that we’re excited. It’s just , and they made me go and get a CAT scan and stuff or whatever it’s called to make sure that my thinking is okay, because apparently the stuff I was saying was bizarre, but my cat scan was fine. So that’s just to
Hayden 27:22
Getting any like magic powers or like wasn’t like a thunderbolt like character.
Melissa 27:29
I wish. No, but what I learned from that, that was sort of the backstory to this, but I actually went home to change my clothes, and go back to work to finish this job after getting my stitches. Like I said, I was very patient in my marriage. And this was, sort of nearing the end when we started getting separated and stuff like that. And I was obviously in distress, bled all over my shirt. And I came home and my husband at the time said , he consoled me, and then let me go off to finish the job by myself. And for me, there were a few pivotal moments that led up to us, parting ways, that was certainly one of them. And it was not even the worst. I won’t, I won’t bore you with all of those stories, but there’s some moments like that, that are worth sharing, because they are pivotal moments in your life where you decide, you’re, you’re alone in this, and you have to do something different. If you want a different life, you have to make it happen. And for a long time leading up to this, I had been almost begging for help, like, I need, I need contribution here. I can’t do this alone. We had two kids, their small children. And I was in it alone. And I felt that every moment it was , when I was working, I mean, I was working day and night. I was working after getting stitches. I was pushing hard because I could see some of this internal turmoil is spilling over into my life. So, I’m failing sometimes when I know that I could be succeeding. And I’m not winning as often as I’m used to, because I know that I can do things. So why is this happening? And so I would push harder and try harder. And , it’s sort of that #hustletillyoudie. I think that was terrible. That, it’s the worst idea. So, it means finding a better way to work smarter . For me, it I had to keep pushing harder because I didn’t have anyone in my corner. But I realized that I still had the power to change things. So that later maybe someone can be in my corner or at least I don’t put myself in the position of hoping. And , and not having that not having someone come to your rescue, come to your own rescue. Like I just needed to be in the position to change my own life instead of waiting for someone else to help me change it.
Hayden 29:55
And then also like, a powerful realization at that moment, right where , If you’re in the fog for so long, and finally, you kind of see the lighthouse, like, I don’t know if that would have reinvigorated you to, like, kind of reorganize, but then push harder in that direction and create the life that you want.
Melissa 30:11
Yeah, there’s a few of those moments that I’ve had, when I started my first business that was one of those where, there’s a lot of lead up to it. And then we just had no other options. And so I had to act. And, it wasn’t heroic. It wasn’t planned and I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it because I was like, this probably isn’t gonna work. But I had to make money and so, so that’s, I started my business and I didn’t want to be in a position ever again, where I let other people decide my future. In that sense, I was talking about employers and waiting for someone to hire me because I got laid off while I was pregnant, I couldn’t get hired because they knew I’d be taking leave and then my son’s a couple months old, and our power gets turned off. And again, in that situation, I couldn’t rely on my partner to come to the rescue. So I had to do something. And so that’s when I started my first business and it took me a long time of doing that before I consider myself an actual entrepreneur. , it’s still weird. I know. But I had certain ideas and traditional values and stuff that I felt I had to live by and that, that people expected of me and I thought that I really had to hold those , where the husband makes the money, the wife stays home, I knew that I still wanted to work outside the home. And so I always did that. But, I truly felt like I had to keep my candle a little dimmer to not out shine my partner. And so for a long, long time, I did not reach for the stars because I didn’t want to outshine him. And that was for me. That feeling way back when I started my business. And then that moment when I realized I was truly on my own. I finally put those two moments together and realize like I do not want to waste any more time. I wasted far too much time, dampening my own shine, and, and what for, what has it been for So, so that’s, when I finally took action and changed my life in a very positive way and and now I just anything that sounds good,I basically say yes, because it’ll probably be some kind of growth or learning experience for me.
Norman 32:36
So you work in a male dominated industry? Yes, it’s hard to break in, um, how has that affected you?
Melissa 32:46
Um, I’m, I’m not scared. Like I think that it can be fairly intimidating. But for me, I think that it’s all in how you approach it. It’s how you approach it. conversation with a group of guys. I know the feeling of being hesitant to approach that conversation and feel like you’re excluded or not feel like you can connect with the people who are men most of the time. But I think that in practice, it’s about your perspective and your approach. So in those situations, I was fairly certain I had value to add to whatever conversation or interaction that I was having. And so that part was not scary to me. The scary part for me is very embarrassing, to be honest. It’s just it’s the small talk, like I struggle with small talk and stuff as an introvert, but in terms of being in a male dominated industry, I noticed very quickly, that first event that I was at, I didn’t really notice because there was a pretty good mix, actually of men and women. It was a holiday event. So , I think that that impacted it. And then the next one traffic and conversion, many of the s were men. And I noticed a really big disparity and then Prosper again, huge disparity where there were entire panels that were men only, or, four guys and one woman. And I think that I started to kind of notice this pattern. And it bothered me, I’ve only been in this space, since the very end of 2017. This was still Empowery, it was still just an idea. It was. It was just a good idea. It wasn’t off the ground. Nobody knew about it. It was just something we were thinking about doing. And so 2018 and 2019 being in this space and going to some events, it really was 2019 that I started going to events. And in that short amount of time. I recognized very quickly that there’s something that can be done here. , this. This is not This doesn’t have to be the way things are. Some people, they approach a situation and they see that this is how it’s always been done, or this is how things are. And so they just don’t mess with it. But, just because it’s always been done a certain way doesn’t mean that it should be done a certain way. And I think that there’s so much value that women and women in this industry can get from being at events, speaking at events, hosting events, that shift was possible there. And so, I also noticed just in the world, in general, there’s a powerful shift going on with women conferences, and, me too, and all the different movements for women, that’s being seen in a much more positive light than the original, feminism, bra burning, all that stuff that I think most people kind of steer clear of. It’s all the same. By the way. It’s just one group. People at a different time in space has a different approach that I think is more palatable than the one at the time, but it’s all the same. It’s all about women, being equal to men having the same rights, having the same responsibilities, being able to do the same kinds of things, and not accepting being shoved into a corner, or being presumed to be the wife of somebody who’s there. , just because you’re a woman at an e-commerce event does not mean that you are somebody’s wife, you may be the CEO. Right. So after noticing this shift, and this disparity, I talked to Steve, I actually wasn’t sure if, if I had the power to do something like this within Empowery because we had one annual event that we were about to do we have some legal obligations from Empowery and nonprofit and and based on the contracts and stuff that we have with our partners and our members, so I had to see what was possible but he was totally behind the idea of having a women’s conference. So we talked about that, I think last June and that’s when the idea was born. And we started to find s and just put it together. And it was a huge success. We had the women’s conference in February of 2020, just before things got crazy. And and so I was really glad that we were able to get that event in before everything started, getting cancelled and stuff like that. And actually, I remember I got back to Idaho, I was just about to head to Las Vegas for White Label World Expo and I heard that like the first case was seen in less Los Angeles, where we had just been for the women’s conference, and I was like, Oh, that’s scary. But , timing is everything, right?
Norman 37:49
I know the s that you had there were very good. And the one that stood out was your keynote. Yeah, Stormy Simon. And one of the things that I hear there’s a lot, if you climb the corporate ladder, what did Stormy say? Well, you gotta be sleeping with a guy. Yeah. I mean, you can’t do it on your own right. Oh, yeah. And I’ll tell you something else that happened because I went to your conference. And people reached out, men and women, and why are you going? And I thought this was kind of strange, because your lineup was great, though the women that you had talking, should be talking much more. But you wouldn’t, or I wouldn’t if it’s an all male conference. I don’t give it a second glance. And I don’t see them like any women saying, why are you going over to that because it’s an all male conference, but I was getting a lot from guys. You’re just saying, “Why are you going to this?” It’s like, take a look at the lineup. , and it was really interesting because I think I shouldn’t be doing all this talking, but it broke through. Yeah, it broke through. And what are you seeing now? You’re seeing all these conferences, e-commerce happening all over. And you’re responsible for that.
Melissa 39:18
I mean, I think that there’s a lot of people who are, who have been, sort of pushing for this same thing. I haven’t to be the one that did the first one that was able to be held. But I know that there’s many, many women who support other women in this space and men who are other women in this space. Very excited to be part of the Branded By Women conference that’s being hosted at the end of May. I mean, it’s incredible what’s happening now. And, to see it happening in the world and to now see it happening within e commerce. It is a powerful thing. And here’s one more thing about me. I do like to make an impact on the world around me and the people around me in general. Are the people around me specifically? But I don’t. I think that there’s two kinds of people in the world. There’s the people who need to be recognized for those efforts. They need to have that, they need to be the sole person who is responsible for a thing, and get those kudos. And I understand that personality, I don’t fault them for it, I understand you have a need to be fulfilled by that recognition. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not that person. I know that there’s many, many people who, whose mindsets and efforts and stuff brought the world to a point where this was a successful event, done at a different time or something, it may not have been as successful. So I know that there’s a lot of people who came together to make that possible. And I am just I am proud that Empowery Women’s Conference in February was It was such a huge hit. And it was so impactful on people’s lives. .
Melissa 41:05
Would you consider the Empowery women’s conference, your biggest success?
Melissa 41:11
That was definitely one of the biggest moments in my life. I was hosting that event. I felt like everything that I had done in my life had led up to that, because I even have worked for like doctor’s offices, where, of course, the doctors and the men and the nurses or the women and the administrative staff, staff and the secretaries are women. And it’s, by the way, it’s not just guys who have this like generalization about women in their minds and about men? Some of the women like some of the admins or women did not want to hire an administrative assistant who is a guy. It’s just a strange world out there. And here’s what was a particular moment for me. There was one event that I went to. There was a couple who came up to me and just being in the space for the short time that I had been in it, it was already apparent there was a disparity in the number of entrepreneurs who are men, the number of entrepreneurs who are women, the men and female, male and female couples, who were a team for Amazon. And just kind of taking all of this in. I made the mistake of assuming that one of the men that I was being introduced to was the seller, and that the woman was his wife, and not a seller. I made that mistake, even though I’m, I’m observing all of this stuff, and I am, especially, attentive to this kind of thing. And I’m on alert for it. I still made that mistake just because it is the general rule. It just is and it was shocking for me and I have never made that mistake again. Because it was just horrifying, ?
Hayden 42:52
Yeah, that’s just like another point towards events like the Empowery women’s event like yeah, there. Not just, this shouldn’t be aimed towards only women, or, or men for that matter. Like it’s got to be towards changing people like it’s not towards like, only getting one group of people going or changing one group. It’s like everyone’s kind of got to see this disparity or the habits that have been ingrained in everyone around us and see that okay, we can all if we all work together, we can change this. But I guess it starts with events like yours were just, another hand up saying, you’re pointing out what’s wrong or is kind of in the air around us.
Melissa 43:33
Yeah, It has to be. People don’t like it, by the way. Like, it’s not something people want to hear that there should be more women’s conferences. They’re like, Well, why should it be when men and women, but when there’s a huge disparity to one side, sometimes you have to go all the way to the other extreme, to show that, there’s so many women’s s who are qualified, I didn’t even have enough space to have them all. I had many more options that I could have had if we had a third day or something. We could have even had more qualified s who are available to I mean, every single was phenomenal. And just having the ability to show that an entire event with only women can be sustained. , like, that’s a big deal. Because if that’s possible for a two day event to have only women, then certainly in a one or two or three day event, there’s at least enough women to have half as s for that event. , it’s just,you have to have those. It’s a lightbulb moment for some people who are maybe not aware of this, or maybe they’re just thinking, just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be allowed to go to this conference. That’s not what it’s about. It’s not about excluding people. It’s about making sure that women are more included and feel more included because they’re also not always going to these events. , if you don’t feel welcome, if you don’t feel like the s are speaking to you in your language or the tone that you respond to best, then , you’re not getting what you need out of that. And so, having women’s conferences is to show more of that and to show it to a broader audience.
Norman 45:11
What’s been the big failure? What was the biggest failure that is making Melissa, Melissa?
Melissa 45:18
Oh, let’s see, this is a tough one. Um, I would say that probably my, my biggest failure was I had my first business. And like I said, some of my, my personal stuff started spilling over into my business. And I didn’t understand it, if I had just said, okay, there’s, I gotta step back a little bit, I gotta stop pushing so hard because, I’m not, I’m not at my best right now. I just ignored that I was not willing to allow that to be true. It was, and so I just kept pushing and, and so instead of it being, a couple of failures, and then you sort of pulled back and minimized your exposure there, I continued to push harder and harder and harder, so that my failures were bigger, vaster and repeated over and over. And, it was just stuff that I knew I could do, which it was shocking that I was not able to do it. It still surprises me now to think back and, and, this is stuff that I did on a daily basis, but I just was struggling internally so much. And, this was, my separation and divorce, having, feeling alone and trying to figure out how to navigate the world in a different way. And, and, being in that position of taking charge of your life. I had done that once before when I started the business, but it was a little bit different trying to figure out okay, where, where are we going to live, we got to move, did , I’m still running my business. We’ve got to find separate places to be. I’ve still got to , get the kids , to daycare and stuff like that. So trying to be a mom, separate from a 13 year marriage, move homes and maintain my business working day and night. It was too much and I didn’t give myself enough leeway. I didn’t give myself enough slack to accommodate for what are clearly several different traumatic life experiences, all piled into one. I continue to try to do these jobs. And so I would, I would over promise and under deliver, which had never been something that I did, I was so careful to create and maintain a pristine name because for me, my business was not just it wasn’t just my business. It was my name. It was me, it’s who I was. And so to have that name, now synonymous with unreliable was. I mean, it’s still hard to talk about because it just was so not me that I couldn’t understand why I was allowing it to happen. And it’s just sometimes you are struggling and you have to give yourself a minute. And I don’t again, even saying this now, I do not like saying this. There’s Elizabeth Taylor actually said, I think, I think it was Elizabeth Taylor. She was going through cancer and stuff like that. She said, I hate hearing people say that this is so hard and they, admire my strength. And that, it’s such a hard thing to go through. I hate it when they pity me, because then I have to recognize that this is hard, and that I can take a step back. And I was not willing to do that. When I was in this situation. I was not willing to raise the white flag and say this is too much. I didn’t want to recognize that I was actually doing way more than the average person could handle and more clearly than I could handle as well, or I wouldn’t continue failing at things that I was obviously capable of doing on a normal day. I think that it took me a long time. To get out of that, because when you try so hard to do stuff, you’re capable of doing and you continue to fail, you start expecting yourself to fail. The thing that kept me pushing to keep trying was that I was certain I could succeed, I was so used to the success that I knew that if I did certain things, success would follow. But it wasn’t happening that way. And so then the opposite happened, because I didn’t let up on the gas. And so instead of getting so used to doing hard things, and making it happen, I failed. And then I failed again, and I failed again. And I got used to failing and started expecting myself to fail. And then I became, I became afraid to try. And this is all , I mean, my business. I started that in 2012. So I ran it for about five years and then when, when it started to kind of get to that point where I was not able to continue the way that I had been I was afraid to try it, I was not sure where to go next. And I wasn’t sure that I should try anything. So I got a normal job for a little while.
Melissa 50:10
And I’m glad that I did because it just proved to me that I am meant to be an entrepreneur, once you have a business, you are not meant to be an employee anymore. I don’t like being places when people want. Like, it’s just not a thing. But I like doing. I don’t like to be stuck in one spot. I like to make my own schedule. There’s so much flexibility that I had as an entrepreneur that I knew I needed to pivot back into that somehow and make it work. And so I tried a few things that were low risk. And then I got a few different streams of income with just stuff I could do from home. And then I was approached by Steve for Empowery and I was so excited about this because I knew many different things. I knew that , this would be a way for me to help other people which as I’ve already established is the best way to get you out of a funk or , out of any kind of a desperate situation helping other people will always prove your own value to yourself, if not anyone else. And so I knew that was a positive thing for me. I also knew that there was some good that I could add to the world from that and enough time had passed enough small wins had happened between the massive failures after failures to the time that I went into empowering e-commerce that I felt like I could get on with it. So it’s been a wild ride since it was very amazing.
Norman 51:36
So Steve comes up, he offers you this job. I mean, your self confidence is down. You get into the job. How did you get your mindset back?
Melissa 51:49
Um, so immediately like the first thing was I actually asked Steve, he’s gonna kill me. I’ve been way too far. Norm does this to me because he’s such a nice guy. Okay. Um, so I actually approached me for the business. And I asked him because I knew that my mom had spoken to him and mentioned that I was available and stuff and that I was looking for more that I could do. And so when he approached me for this, then I thought about it for a while, and then I called him back and I said, “Did you think of me? Because I’m your sister, and you wanted to help me? Or did you think of me because he thought I was qualified to do this job?” And he had no hesitation, he said, “I knew that you were qualified to do this. I’ve worked with you before,” , when I was working for him as a teenager, I was 15 or 16. And my supervisors at the time were like, oh, you’re gonna have my job. Because I was very good at what I did. And I can see paths that I think that other people don’t always see or look for. And soI was maybe struggling with recognizing that in myself, just Then, but Steve still recognized it. And he knew, like he was very excited that I was available. And that came through. So that helps quite a bit.
Norman 53:10
It sounds like it was a great learning experience.
Melissa 53:12
Yes, it definitely was, it’s hard to talk about your failures if you never want to, like, show your weakness because there’s certainly people in the world who will, will jump on those and, and expose them or exploit them. But to me, failing is not it’s not a weakness, I needed to learn from those experiences, that absolutely taught me that just working harder, just doing better. Just not accepting failure is not a real thing. That is not a way to live. That’s that’s not finding your why and working towards something greater. And I knew that I needed that going forward because of the way that all of that kind of shook out. And that became much more important to me and then to be approached with this . Absolutely amazing opportunity. To work for something that adds to the world, this is beyond my expectations. Like, not only did I know why, but I wanted to help women know that they could do more that they could be more that they shouldn’t, ever damp in their own life, so they don’t outshine somebody around them. I knew that I wanted to help entrepreneurs, because it took me a full year before I was willing to admit that I was an entrepreneur and that I really didn’t have a business. I wanted to just help them know, it’s okay to doubt yourself. It’s okay to struggle and it’s okay to fail. And, and I knew that, that I wanted to find something that I could do that would encompass those things. And I honestly can’t think of anything else that it could have been. I knew that those things were important to me, but I didn’t know about empowering yet. It was still just an idea that Steve had. And so when he approached me about this, it was just like, it was magnificent. It was serendipitous, because what else encompasses those things that I know, there must be strengths. And it was my renewed promise myself to live by the way that I knew was for me.
Hayden 55:10
You mentioned you like having that time. So by choice but like force him to kind of like another job and it’s like time to reflect on everything like, you think that like that’s maybe like another like societal thing to hear we’re like, kind of like constantly push to be always working and to kind of push past those times when you like should be thinking back on your actions or like what might actually be best for you or what you might actually want to achieve. Or like if you’re just in the grind permanently, you never have time to like, look up and kind of see above the surface there and kind of, yeah.
Melissa 55:46
Oh, man, there’s so much truth to that because I remember at that time, I talked to one of my other brothers. He’s the brother closest to me and age. He’s the brother that I’m partnered with for a product that we sell. And I remember him talking to and saying, you need to wake up early and just have a few moments and just meditate, just, have a quiet moment for 10 minutes in the morning. Because I mean, I still wasn’t really willing to admit that I was struggling. But it was obvious to people around me that I actually, my mom said to me, she said something about something I needed to do, or when was I going to do a thing? And I remember saying, “I can’t worry about that right now. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” And my mom stopped as you looked at me, and it was like, it was like I was speaking in tongues or something like she didn’t understand the words that I said because everything of my life up to that point was let’s just do it now and do it over with like, we might as well just get it done now. And It was just too much, everything, every tiny thing was too much for me right then. So I remember that being a moment where I realized maybe I’m not as okay as I was, I think I and my brother, telling me that I needed quiet moments and I basically just said, I don’t nobody got time for that, like I’m working all the time, I can’t, I’d rather get a couple extra moments of sleep, and trying to do this hustle so much. Instead of, wake up earlier and just sit quietly, like, I have so many crazy thoughts in my head right now somebody worries, anxieties, fears and intentions and plans and stuff to try and get myself out of the situation that I don’t think I can sit quietly. And, and so I remember him telling me that I remember feeling like it wasn’t possible. But I do wish that I had tried harder to make that into a thing. If I known about maybe like the Miracle Morning for entrepreneurs or something. , I just tried to put a couple of those things into practice. But it really was at an absolutely frantic and frenetic pace. I was literally working day and night sometimes. When I cut my head open, I had worked for about 36 hours straight . It was like physical labor. And so like that, and this is what I mean, like, I took moments like that this is why it’s not great to be super patient. It took moments like that to realize that I really was on my own. And I was alone in my marriage and and, as a mom and stuff like that, and it shouldn’t have taken me so long to stand up for myself. But I mean, there’s valuable lessons in those things, too .
Norman 58:25
Hey, Melissa, we’re getting down to the end of the podcast. I just wanted to thank you so much for taking the time. , we’re getting late into the evening, and I know you’ve got a lot of things to do. But yeah, thanks for coming on the podcast.
Melissa 58:40
You’re so welcome Norm, I really appreciate being asked to be on your podcast. I have such great respect for you for the many achievements that you have. And I think we met last March at Prosper. And from that moment, I’ve always just referred to as one of my favorite humans, because just like I really wish I had a tiny version of you to just like keep in my pocket
Norman 59:04
what? A tiny version of me. They sell a little Travelocity gnome (?).
Melissa 59:12
Okay, Norm.
Norman 59:13
Not me, but it looks exactly like me.
Melissa 59:17
I love it. That’s pretty awesome.
Norman 59:21
So can you tell everybody how they can get in contact with you?
Melissa 59:25
Absolutely. Yeah. If you want to know more about Empowery, you can go to www.empowery.com/contact. And that’s the quickest way to get in touch with the team members and sees that first we’ll send that right out to , to us and the rest of the team to make sure that we’re able to help you as quickly as possible. You can contact me at melissa@empowery.com, and you can find us on social media at @empowerycoop, and mine is Absalonsmiles(?). My Twitter is @melissasimon. So there’s a few ways for you to get in touch with us.
Norman 1:00:00
So Melissa, the question we ask every guest is, do you a guy?
Melissa 1:00:08
Actually, no, I don’t I don’t know. But I do know a gal. Her name is Isabela Hamilton. I think she would make a fantastic guest on your episode. She’s inspiring. She’s amazing. And I think that the world could learn a lot from her.
Norman 1:00:20
I can’t wait to talk to her. Excellent. So Melissa, thank you so much for being on the show. And have a great day.
Melissa 1:00:29
You too. Thank you so much for having me, norm.
Norman 1:00:32
Hey, guys and gals. Thanks for listening. For more great content. Please subscribe and follow me I Know this Guy… on all social media platforms. I Know this Guy relies on listeners like you. Please visit our Patreon page to find out how you can help
Date: July 1 2020
Episode: 4
Title: Norman Farrar introduces Melissa Simonson, entrepreneur and hosted Empowery Women’s conference.
Subtitle: Leave a campsite better than when you found it
Final Show Link: https://iknowthisguy.com/episodes/04-melissa-simonson/
In this episode of I Know this Gal..Norman Norman Farrar introduces Melissa Simonson, entrepreneur and hosted Empowery Women’s conference.
Melissa discusses her life mantra, the power of introverts, Empowery Women’s Conference, persevering through the tough times and more.
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